I’ve been trying to work on my novel tonight without success. I figure if I can’t get my word count in that way, I can certainly write a blog post. That’ll get me at least 500 words today.
But, the truth is, I’m tired.
I’m tired because, in the month of October, my wife and I: found a new house to live in, went to the desert for 6 days, packed All The Things (with much help from our awesome coven mates), re-homed a cat, moved cats, and my wife moved to a new job situation. I also did a church service somewhere in that time as well.
I’m tired because, after all the moving was done, I got sick (and so did the wife). This isn’t too surprising given all the stress stuff mentioned above.
It’s also been one of those times where I get tired of fighting the good fight. There are days where I just get tired of being politically correct. I get tired of thinking carefully about what I say or write because I might offend someone. I get tired of watching people be so angry all the time, or people finding things to be angry about. I get tired of hearing about how our government sucks, this or that thing is bad for you, support such and such a cause, reblog this, share that, and if you don’t do all these things you’re a big fat meanie mean person!!!!11eleventy!!!!
To be honest: there are times, like the last few days especially, when I just want to pack it all in, hide under the covers, and refuse to come out. You all can handle the world. I’m just going to close the door and pretend nothing is happening.
Eventually, though, if I take care of myself right, things will slow down and I’ll feel up to facing the world again. And a good deal of that self care is knowing when it’s ok to say: “I cannot be your pastor today.” or “I need to take a nap now.” or “I’m going to stay off Facebook for the week.” or “I think I’ll walk away from this thread.” or “I will not hit send.” or “I’ll stay home today.”
It’s a hard thing to admit sometimes, especially when things need doing. I’m no good to anyone, though, if I’m freaking out myself. All that’ll do is cause more trouble. Or make me sick.
So, I’ve been resting most of this week. And trying to write. One thing I’ll remember though is not to be too hard on myself for not doing as much as my mind thinks it should be doing.
Because, really, I’m still pretty tired.